Couples and Relationship Therapy
'Most people will have two or three marriages in their life - sometimes with the same person.'
~ Esther Perel, Relationship Psychotherapist
Relationships can feel hard! Trying to figure out ways to prioritise time for ourself and our relationship can feel impossible when trying to navigate all the day to day demands of life.
- Maybe you get so overwhelmed that you don't know how to reach out for help?
- Maybe you feel like you are drifting apart but don't know how to change things?
- Maybe an unexpected situation has threatened your relationship and you don't know how to work through it?
- Maybe you feel let down or betrayed by your partner and feel so consumed by anger or resentment that you don't know how to get past it?
- Maybe you feel like you're always getting it wrong in your relationship but have no idea how to do it differently?
Are you on my side?
In these cases above, often coming back to each other and connecting can massively improve the situation but like most seemingly simple solutions, it's not as easy as it sounds! I think often, our most painful experiences in our relationships are when we feel alone, when we don't feel like the other person is on our side. Who is in our corner (or who feels like they're rooting for us!) can make a huge difference to how we feel about working through challenging times.
What can get in the way?
Communication
Maybe this looks familiar to you?
With so many ways to communicate, it’s easy to misinterpret intentions without knowing where the other persons focus is in that moment. The story we tell ourselves about this shapes how we reconnect, often trapping us in negative cycles without checking the reality.
Fear
Opening up in a relationship can feel scary, especially if you've been dismissed in the past or lacked support growing up. It's normal to feel unsafe sharing tough emotions. The key is understanding why it's frightening and starting small in ways that don't feel overwhelming.
Life Events
Change and Transition
Life inevitably brings challenges, from things we can plan for, like a house move, to unexpected events, like a bereavement. In times of stress, we tend to rely on the coping mechanisms we know best, but these can sometimes create distance between us in our relationships. Grief, in particular, can be isolating. We all grieve in our own way, and there’s no "right" way to do it. But in those painful moments, it’s easy to feel like we’re drifting apart instead of finding comfort in each other.
Change and Transition
Change and Transition
Change is an inevitable part of life. As we go through life we are transitioning all the time. In our day to day from home to work, and navigating different stages of life like leaving home, starting a new job, becoming a parent, children leaving home...
All these can bring with them uncertainty and that can be a massive pressure as individuals and on our relationships.
Family Life
One of the biggest pressures on a relationship is navigating family life, particularly with young children. Going from being a couple to have the responsibility of another person can transform individuals and relationships.
You may feel like you have lost yourself or the other person in this and feeling daunted by this new chapter of life is really common!
Dreams and Ambitions
Differing dreams and ambitions can be demanding on any relationship. Maybe when you first came together it felt like your dreams and goals were aligned but now things have changed.
Sometimes trying to have conversations about this can feel intimidating because it's so personal to each individual, neither of you feel able to move on something you feel so passionate about, or the stakes feel so high.